It's been a while since I've written anything, and so much has happened over the last year that I don't even know where to begin! But just to say, I most definitely knew 2009 was going to be the shittiest year of my life - and I was correct.
I had to drop out of uni in the second half of '09 because I got diagnosed with leukemia (not that it really bothered me all too much after the first day) which I won't go into detail about since I've practically told everyone I know about it in real life, and its odd to say this but the memory of my half a year hospitalization is very faded and not as vivid as I thought it'll still be... Perhaps it is I that is trying to suppress the thoughts unconsciously? Anyway, its an experience I never want to have to go through ever again, but it makes me annoyed when I see others bitch and complain about their own cancer conditions... Before you ready your guns to shoot me for being so insensitive, hear me out! Though I must add, that I may not explain myself in a manner of which others can understand and what I say will probably make me look like a bitch, but alas, I will say it... I want to say it...
I understand that people handle illnesses differently, and that the effects of treatment can be much harsher for some than others, so lets not measure the amount of pain someone has to go through... however, it makes me angry when I see someone crying over the loss of their hair due to the effects of chemotherapy... it honestly does! And what I hate more is when I see these people on TV, talking of their experience and complaining about the hair loss! It is like they want the sympathy, and the attention - to me, it looks as if they are selling out, and I just can not stand it! What makes it worse is that they cover their scalps with scarves - so why make a big deal about having no hair when you don't want any one to even know you have no hair?! What probably angers me the most is the fact they are hiding behind the hats.......
I walked around with my shining head held high, yes I was laughed at, yes I was stared at, and yes some people whom I am close with felt awkward being near me. But so what? I have cancer, I went through the treatment, and these are the battle-scars I carry proudly. Proudly. I don't know if the cancer will come back (but looking at the odds, I'd say it will) but for now I won't think of it until that happens. One thing this experience has taught me is that life is full of spontaneous occurrences, and I don't ever want to waste another minute of it..... come what may! Good... or bad.
